My Twin Flame Romance — Part 24
If you haven’t read Part One, I suggest you do that now. There’s some important disclaimers in there I just don’t feel like repeating — so check it out and come back here when you’re done. Kthx.
This brand new place of being forgiven was completely foreign to me. It wasn’t possible, was it? Normal people would be mad. I deserved to be punished. Where were the consequences of my actions???
I now understand that when people have real love, they don’t hold grudges and store vitriol to shoot at each other. That low moment had been four years prior, and I had done the best I could with the messed up beliefs and circumstances of the time.
That didn’t have to define me forever.
However, if you’re a bit concerned about Sean’s reaction, you’re not crazy. He came with his own baggage, after all.
In one of my notes to him, I told Sean:
“You’re so adept at expecting nothing that you’ve mastered the ability to want nothing.”
We talked about our feelings for each other, yet nothing seemed to progress. In hindsight, I see how my unchecked (and unhealed/uncorrected) traumas from the days of Rod had formed a belief that every man wants to — and should — immediately jump into the sack as soon as possible.
And if they don’t, that’s a problem.
Sean wasn’t making advances at a rate I felt was appropriate. And with my new sexual dysfunction/trauma from Ben, I saw this as offensive and cruel. As if he were punishing me through withholding like Ben seemed to.
Sean was patient and kind. He respected me and didn’t want to assert his will over me in any way. He never pushed for more, and literally told me he was happy to accept whatever I was willing to give.
“If that means we’re friends our whole lives and one day, you call me up out of the blue at 80 something on your death bed and decide in that moment you want to be something more, I’ll still…